crazy

Crimson light on the wallpaper
shines on the flowers and bees
I watch the narrow railroad taper
where the train meets the trees

look out the window, the rain
shines the pavement below
hear the whistle's refrain
and watch the smoke billow

I cringe with a sudden twinge
of pain inside, another spasm
of unfathomable loneliness,
inhuman, tormented sadness
splits open a gaping chasm
to begin yet another binge

of suffering and anguish
sparked by this vision
condemned to be visited upon
myself, a thousand times and one
remarkable in its precision
and unable to distinguish

from the spectres that appear
to me, in those haunted dreams
so strikingly now and here
every figure so vividly seems

to shimmer in dreadful reality
leaden, numbing, mourning
creeping towards insanity
by the very next morning

an end to all morbidity
a happy delirium
all that woeful rigidity
and all that hopeless tedium

gone, over, finished
a renewal however crazy
free, torpor is banished
it feels light, airy, breezy
all confusion has vanished,
all's clear now, all that was hazy.